Kaz | Safe Haven

Locked Doors

I was a small child, shivering in the cold of the chilly workshop. In those days I was quick and clever, but not old enough to understand the games my Daddy played. Now, looking back, I think his favourite part Was waiting there, lips curled as if to mock; watching despair cast hooks into my heart when I found the door was closed and locked. My stocism was a point of pride amidst the shame. The thought of it sustains me even...

Uniting the Child

This child is happy, laughing, delighting in all the beauty that the world has to offer. That child is hurt, alone, in pain and fear. Waiting every night for the monster who comes not from under the bed but walks through the door as if he owns this house because, of course, he does. This broken child lives within me and my task in healing is to unite her and make her whole again.

In Dreams

The cast of my dreams change their skins to fool me Walkng, talking, living as the borrowed heads upon their shoulders but I scratch the surface and find a different animal beneath dreaming I’m betraying you now with another man but the other man is not the other man and you are not you here I am, reliving a past betrayal and here you are hurting me with words, with fists but you are that older lover who took such...

Revenge

I’ve sought for years to find the perfect way - I can’t rely on karma, or on law. A civil suit would probably cost me more. I know there is a way to make you pay. And money wouldn’t take away my pain, Publicity would probably be fleeting. I could arrange to have you take a beating; But you would not be covered with the shame. I’ll bide my time and let my anger grow. In darkness I will raise the...

The Aftermath

The aftermath is a house made of ice Where you can see in, but I can’t get out. I stay in the middle of rooms. I sleep on the rug. I don’t bother beating the walls any more. My hands blister on the frozen blocks. The aftermath is a rose made of blood Which I wear on my jacket every day. The copper scent sickens me. I try to put my identity there. My hands come away guilty. Bloodied, full of shame. The aftermath is...

Haunt

Haunt -v. visit a place regularly, frequent or be persistently in a place, be persistently in the mind of. -n. a place frequented by a person, a place frequented by animals for food and drink, a feeding place. (The Concise Oxford Dictionary) When ghosts exist too long, they walk unquiet. Phantasms colonise my mind to taunt. Too many ghosts can cause a spirits’ riot: far better yet to let them out than haunt me with their...

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RIP Patrick Barr 1958 – 2009

It is with regret that we announce the sad passing of Patrick Barr, former founder member of Safe Haven and my previous husband, on 23rd April 2009. Patrick died very suddenly at his home in Cardiff which he shared with his partner of two years and their respective sons. Although Patrick and I had our differences in the last few years, I had enormous respect for his strength of will and courage in facing his own issues and reaching out to other survivors. He will be greatly missed by many, including his son, Simon. Anyone wishing for more details can feel free to email me.